My Saviour

Toni’s slender fingers intertwined with mine, and I felt a sense of calm wash over me as she leaned in to brush her lips against my cheek. Her touch was like a balm to my soul, soothing the ache that had lingered for months.

“UNNNNGGGGHHHH! UNNNNGGGHHH! UNNNNNGGGGHHHH!” I groaned, my head falling to rest on her breast as her fingers danced through my hair.

“You okay?” she whispered, her voice husky with concern.

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?” I laughed, lifting my head to gaze into her clear brown eyes.

“Normally, it would be,” she said, “but this is an unusual occasion. You’ve had an emotionally difficult and challenging day…and you haven’t answered my question.” Her brow furrowed, her expression a mixture of worry and love.

“Yeah, I’m definitely okay…better than I’ve been in more than eighteen months…better than I’ve been since this whole nightmare began,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m glad,” she said, her voice filled with emotion. “And I assume you’ll want to do it again.” Her eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh yeah…and hopefully I’ll be able to last long enough to do something worthwhile for you, too,” I said, my chest heaving with exertion.

“I’m not worried,” she said, her voice dripping with reassurance. “I know it’s been a long time since you had real sex. I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did.” Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled.

“I’ll get off you now,” I said, my body heavy with exhaustion. “I don’t want to hurt you with my weight.”

“You’ll do nothing of the sort,” Toni told me, her voice firm. “I like you right where you are. Maybe next time I’ll ride you. When I do, I’ll expect to lie on you before, during, and after.” Her eyes sparkled with a hint of wickedness, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

As I gazed into her eyes, I was transported back to our first meeting, a month ago in a dimly lit bar. The memories came flooding back, like a tidal wave washing over me.

“Geez! You look like you just lost your best friend,” she had said, her voice husky with concern.

“That’s exactly what happened, except it’s even worse,” I had replied, my eyes fixed on the glass of Glenlivet 18 Year-old single malt in front of me.

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” she had suggested, her voice gentle. “I’ve found that talking about a problem sometimes helps.” Her eyes had sparkled with kindness, and I had felt a sense of comfort wash over me.

“It’s really kind of personal,” I had said, hesitant to share my story with a stranger.

“I’ll have a Chardonnay and another for my friend,” she had told the bartender, her voice confident. “Can you bring them to that table?” She had nodded towards the booth, and I had felt a sense of trepidation wash over me.

As I looked into her eyes, I knew that I had to share my story with her, to let her in on the secrets that I had kept hidden for so long.

“I had just graduated from college,” I began, my voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I’d become a doctor, but I learned pretty quickly that I didn’t have the self-discipline to do all that studying.” I took a deep breath, letting the memories wash over me.

“I changed after first semester of my sophomore year, opting instead to study education,” I continued. “I had three younger sisters I often helped with their schoolwork, and I had enjoyed working with some of the young kids at a junior high as a volunteer tutor while in college.”

As I spoke, I felt a sense of relief wash over me, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I knew that I had found a kindred spirit in Toni, someone who would listen without judgment, someone who would understand.

But little did I know, our journey together was just beginning, and the road ahead would be fraught with challenges and heartache.

Lying there on the couch, I stared blankly at the DVD player as it spat out the disc I’d inserted. My heart was heavy, weighed down by the memories that had been flooding my mind all evening. I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall freely as I thought about Lizzie. About our life together, about the love we shared, and about the pain that had been slowly consuming her.

As I opened my eyes, Lizzie’s image appeared on the screen. She smiled, and for a moment, I forgot about everything else. I forgot about the loneliness, the guilt, and the shame. All I could see was her, my beautiful wife, the love of my life.

“Hi, Chuck—first, I want you to know how much I love you,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion. “I know you’ve missed me when I’m off in my special world, but I’ve missed you just as much.” I felt a lump form in my throat as I listened to her words, feeling the pain and the love that poured out of her.

Lizzie continued, her words cutting deep into my soul. “You’ve shown me every day how much you love me. Now I need to show you how much I love you. We used to make love as often as we could, didn’t we? How many people in their forties make love four to five days a week? Not many, I’d guess.” She paused, her voice barely above a whisper. “Not enough, that’s for sure.”

I felt a pang of guilt and shame as I listened to her words. I knew she was right. We hadn’t made love as often as we used to, not since her illness had taken over her life. But I’d never thought of it as something I needed, something I craved. I’d thought of it as a sacrifice, something I did for her, not for myself.

Lizzie’s image on the screen seemed to be reading my thoughts. “You’re a man, Chuck, with a man’s needs and I know that you’ve suffered greatly since this happened to me…to us. I know you would never have relations with me while I’m ‘elsewhere.’ You’d think it was like rape, wouldn’t you?” I nodded, feeling a wave of shame wash over me.

“That’s why, Chuck, you need to find someone who will help you with this. You need to find someone to have sex with,” Lizzie said, her voice firm but gentle. “I know what you’re thinking now, too. You’re thinking it would be cheating and you’d never cheat. I’d never view it as cheating, darling. It’s something you need and it’s something I want for you.”

I felt a lump form in my throat as I listened to her words. I knew she was right. I needed this, and she wanted me to have it. She was giving me permission, her blessing, to find someone to love me, to take care of my needs.

Lizzie’s image on the screen smiled at me, her eyes shining with love and compassion. “I know you’ll be reluctant, but I want two promises from you—that you’ll do it for me and that when you find her you’ll bring her to meet me even if I can’t respond—even if I don’t recognize you. I’ll want you to take her to dinner and shows just like you would if she was your girlfriend—just like you would do with me.”

I nodded, feeling a sense of determination wash over me. I would do this for Lizzie, for our love. I would find someone to love me, to take care of my needs, and I would bring her to meet Lizzie, to share in our love.

As I watched Lizzie’s image on the screen, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I knew what I had to do. I knew what Lizzie wanted me to do. And I knew that I would do it, for her, for our love, and for myself.

I couldn’t help but feel a mix of emotions as I watched Lizzie’s video message for the third time. Her words still lingered in my mind, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being asked to make a choice that would define the rest of my life. “I pray for the day you come to visit me to find I am back with you,” she said. “On that day, we will make the most wonderful love even if we scare the living daylights out of the staff.” My heart ached as I remembered the countless nights I’d spent by her side, watching her slip further and further away from reality.

But it was the message I had to share with Carl that really got to me. I took a deep breath and walked into his office, the DVD in hand. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Lizzie’s message,” I said, trying to keep my emotions in check. “She wants me to find someone to fill the void, someone to socialize with and someone for sex.” Carl’s expression was sympathetic, and he nodded for me to continue.

“She’s asked me to promise that I’ll follow through,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “She wants me to take a lover, someone who can give me what she knows I need but won’t get from her.” Carl’s eyes widened in understanding, and he nodded again. “I’ve already watched the DVD,” he said. “I’ll share it with the Board, but I’ll also make sure to protect you when people raise concerns.”

I left Carl’s office feeling a sense of determination. I knew that I had to move forward, not just for myself, but for Lizzie’s sake as well. I picked up the phone and dialed Toni’s number, my heart racing with anticipation. “Hey, I watched Lizzie’s message,” I said, trying to sound casual. “It’s…complicated.” Toni’s voice was calm and reassuring on the other end of the line.

“I’d love to hear more about it,” she said. “Why don’t we grab dinner and talk about it?” I agreed, and we made plans to meet at a nearby Italian restaurant. As I walked in, I couldn’t help but notice the way Toni smiled at me, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“So, what’s the deal with Lizzie’s message?” she asked, her voice low and husky. I took a deep breath and launched into the story, trying to leave out as few details as possible. Toni listened intently, her expression changing from curiosity to understanding. When I finished, she nodded thoughtfully.

“I think I can see why she’d want that for you,” she said. “But I have to ask, are you interested in taking her up on that offer?” I hesitated, unsure of how to respond. Part of me was drawn to the idea of exploring a new connection with someone, but another part of me was terrified of the consequences.

“I don’t know,” I said finally, feeling a sense of vulnerability wash over me. “I care about you, Toni, and I value our friendship. But…I’m not sure if I’m ready for this.” Toni’s expression softened, and she reached out to take my hand.

“We don’t have to rush into anything,” she said. “We can take things slow and see where they go. But I do want to be honest with you – I’m interested in exploring this further. I think we could be good for each other.” I felt a spark of excitement at her words, and I knew that I had to take a chance.

“Okay,” I said finally, feeling a sense of determination wash over me. “Let’s do this.” Toni smiled, and we leaned in to kiss, the tension between us palpable.

Toni’s gentle touch on the small of my back sent shivers down my spine as we stood in front of the mirror. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she took in my naked form. “Funny, isn’t it? Gravity takes over once you hit forty,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

I chuckled, feeling a sense of ease with her that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. “I wasn’t laughing at your body,” I said, my eyes locked on hers. “I think it’s great, besides I saw it last night, didn’t I?”

Toni’s hand found its way to my engorged cock, sending a wave of pleasure through me. “It looks even nicer in the light,” she said, her voice husky with desire. “Don’t worry, I’m not looking to marry you. I know you’ll only love Lizzie. Why don’t we eat, then we’ll clean up and go back to bed. After that, I think we should shower and go to your place so you can get some casual clothes before going to see Lizzie together.”

Her words were like a gentle breeze on a summer day, soothing my concerns and calming my nerves. I nodded, feeling a sense of acceptance wash over me. “Scrambled okay?” I asked, my voice a little hoarse from sleep.

“Yeah, great; have any ketchup?” Toni asked, her eyes sparkling with amusement. I opened the fridge and found it immediately. “Want anything while I’m in here?” I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.

Toni shook her head, her dark brown hair bobbing up and down. “I’m good,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. I sipped my coffee carefully while she finished the bacon and eggs, my eyes locked on hers.

As we finished our meal, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of gratitude towards Toni. She was kind, caring, and understanding. And she seemed to truly care about me, even though I knew I would always love Lizzie. “Thanks for breakfast, Toni,” I said, my voice sincere.

Toni smiled, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Anytime, Chuck,” she said, her voice husky with desire. “Now, how about we get cleaned up and go back to bed?”

As I lay in bed, the memories of my life with Lizzie flooded my mind—our wedding night, our first time making love, the moments of laughter and joy we shared together. I thought about the way she’d kneed that guy in the balls on the dance floor, and how she’d whispered to me that she’d taken care of it. Those moments were etched in my mind, a reminder of the love we shared.

I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt as I thought about being with Toni, but Lizzie’s permission had made it easier. I knew she understood, and I cherished every moment I spent with her, even if it was just for a few fleeting moments.

I turned my attention back to Toni, her body tense with anticipation. I could feel her passion building, and I knew I wasn’t far behind. I moved my hand from her hip to her clit, pinching and twisting to send her over the edge. She convulsed in my arms, her body shaking with pleasure.

When she finally calmed down, I filled her with my cream, our bodies still entwined. We lay there for a moment, catching our breath, before she spoke up.

“See, I knew I’d lie on top of you before, during, and after,” she said, smiling up at me.

I chuckled, and kissed her hair, something I’d often done with Lizzie. It was a gesture that felt strange, yet familiar, with Toni.

“I do remember before and after, but during…no way!” I replied, laughing. Toni smiled, and we lay there for a moment, enjoying each other’s company.

She suggested we get a bag with some casual clothes, and I agreed. We showered, and I shaved using a razor Toni usually used for her legs. We made the bed together, and I dressed in a golf shirt and khakis. Toni wore a simple teal top and tight black Capri’s. We were ready to meet Lizzie.

We arrived at the home, and I signed us in. We made our way down the hall to Lizzie’s room, where she was seated by the window, basking in the sun’s rays. Her face showed the peace she was experiencing, while mine felt the stress of the past months.

“Morning, Lizzie,” I called out, trying to sound upbeat. She looked up at me, questioning.

“Oh, hello…do I know you?” she asked, her voice uncertain.

“Sure,” I replied. “Remember from yesterday afternoon?” I knew she wouldn’t, but I’d try every day to jog her memory. I continued, “I’m Chuck, Lizzie…your husband. Do you remember what I told you about us yesterday afternoon?”

She shook her head, apologizing. I kissed her cheek, trying to reassure her. “You don’t have to apologize, honey. I brought someone to visit you. This is Toni. She’s a good friend.”

Lizzie looked at Toni, then back at me. “Oh…hello; have we met before?”

“No, Lizzie, we haven’t, but Chuck has told me all about you and I saw you on the DVD you made,” Toni said, holding out her hand. Lizzie shook it, but it was clear she had no understanding of what she was doing.

I suggested we go for a walk, and Toni helped Lizzie up. We walked down the hill toward the pond, Toni carrying a bag of stale bread. We sat on a bench, and I broke off a piece of bread to feed the ducks. Lizzie laughed, a sound I hadn’t heard in months. It was a moment I’d treasure forever.

We spent the afternoon together, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. When it was time for lunch, I helped Lizzie up, and she thanked me for the morning.

“Thank you, Lizzie—being with you today has been so special for me,” I said, hugging her and kissing her cheek.

Toni added, “You two are so lucky to have each other.” We walked back up the hill, my arm around Lizzie’s waist and holding Toni’s hand on the other side.

Lunch was grilled cheese sandwiches and iced tea with gingerbread and whipped cream for dessert. I had to pay for Toni and me, but I didn’t mind. I treasured every second I spent with Lizzie.

After lunch, we said our goodbyes, and Toni suggested we go to her place for some clothes. I agreed, and we headed back to her place in a neighboring town.

We showered together, and Toni led me to the bed. “I had such a good time with you and Lizzie today, Chuck. Your love for her is so obvious,” she said, smiling up at me.

“I feel like crying when I think of what you’re going through,” she added, her voice filled with empathy.

“Would you mind if we skipped sex tonight?” she asked, looking up at me with pleading eyes.

“I’d like to snuggle up against you, okay? I’ll take care of you tomorrow…either before or after Mass,” she said, smiling.

“Incidentally, I don’t think of this as a sin. A priest might disagree, but I think of it as an act of God,” she said, her voice filled with conviction.

“I never go to a bar after work, but something made me stop at Fred’s that night. I’d never been there before; it’s not even on my way home. I was three blocks off so I have no explanation other than God wanted me there. Does that sound strange, Chuck?”

Her words touched my heart, and I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I knew that Toni was different, and I cherished every moment I spent with her.

We went to sleep, and I woke up to the sound of her licking me to hardness. She took me completely into her mouth, and I felt a sense of pleasure wash over me. Once I was fully awake, she rose to straddle my body. I watched in amazement as she slid slowly down my pole. Up and down Toni moved, stretching her pussy and increasing her pleasure.

As much as she seemed to enjoy it, only moments later she began rocking, driving her clit into my abdomen. I thrust into her with every rock, lifting her slender body with mine and driving deeply into her tunnel.

We continued for what seemed to be seconds, but was really almost ten minutes before I felt the rumbling in my core and the tiny tremors in hers. It happened in an instant. We came together, something so rare even among experienced lovers.

Toni collapsed onto my chest, sexual sweat pooling between our bodies. She lay there for almost ten minutes before lifting her head and smiling. Toni kissed me, and we rose to the shower.

We were intentionally early for church so Toni could go to confession. Several friends had told me that they never went yet received communion virtually every week. I slid down the pew when Toni returned, kneeled, and prayed what I assumed was her penance. I enjoyed the service, hugging Toni and shaking the hands of others nearby, even singing a few hymns, but sitting when others knelt.

After church, we went for brunch, and I dropped her off at her place. I headed back to the home, eager to spend the rest of the day with Lizzie. I told myself that I’d be honest with our children when they arrived, and that I’d face whatever challenges lay ahead.